"Mommy, I want to pray by myself"

...and with those words Gabriel proceeded to lead a decade of the Rosary during our little Mommy-and-me morning prayer time! It wasn't perfect, but he got the idea. And totally not something I suggested. Never would have thought he'd have the attention span or interest in it yet. Praise God! So sweet.

Teams of Our Lady Challenge: February

Did anyone join in our Teams January challenge to pray every day with your spouse? How did it go? Michael and I were rather successful in making conjugal prayer a more constant part of our days; as I shared in our Teams meeting I think this was thanks to a simple commitment to going to bed on time (usually 10pm). We prayed Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours just before retiring almost every night. In addition to being my favorite "hour", saying Night Prayer together seemed to spread a blanket of peace and unity over our evenings that was not present when we didn't pray with one another.

The Teams challenge for February is to have a good "sit-down" with your spouse. This is a monthly endeavor for all Teams couples, but sometimes it can fall by the wayside, as it has for Michael and I in the past few months. A sit-down can be different things for different couples, but the basic idea is to spend some time together discussing issues of core importance to the marriage and to the family. The format can vary: I was struck by a suggestion that each spouse have 20 minutes to say whatever they feel they need to say to the other, without interruption (or criticism, correction, etc...) and then the other spouse has a time to thoughtfully reply to the whole of what the other has expressed. Another couple in our Team spends time discussing the Teams reading, shares high points and low points of the past month, and then has an "airing of grievances"--this same couple always accompanies their sit-downs with a special dessert. I think we could learn a thing or two from them!

For Michael and I, the key is scheduling, setting aside a particular time in which we agree this sit down will actually happen. As soon as we got home from the meeting, we set up a time for our sit-down. I think we still need to have a sit-down to discuss what our sit-down format should be... regardless of the format, one will be happening later this month.

Matters of the heart

Prayer over the People for the Feast of the Holy Family (Year B)

Lord,
you care for your people even when they stray.
Grant us a complete change of heart,
so that we may follow you with greater fidelity.
Grant this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.

A complete change of heart. The words pealed like bells in my soul on the feast of the Holy Family. The words struck me--could one really pray for such a radical gift from God? Would it not seem more prudent to pray for small improvements here or there, or extra grace in areas where we struggle? This is not a prayer for those who want to wade in slowly, getting used to the waters of a life lived in Christ's foosteps. No--the Church encourages us to jump straight in without looking back. Reminds me of JPII calling us at the start of the new millenium to "go out into the deep" (Luke 5:4) , to duc in altum, and of his fatherly advice to "be not afraid", given at the start of his pontificate.

I have been praying sporadically, perhaps desperately at tougher times, for grace and understanding in my relationship with Gabriel. Last night I finally threw in the towel on those piecemeal efforts and decided to trust that what the Church prays, I too can pray. I begged for a complete change of heart, to allow me to see Gabriel as a little person who needs to be lovingly, creatively, and energetically taught, rather than a two-year old terror who needs to be controlled.

So much grace was poured out on all three of us today--Gabriel, Peter, and Mommy, home on our own for a few days while Michael is on retreat--that I have to say that I think my prayer is on its way to being answered. I don't have time to give all the details, as bedtime is quickly approaching. I'll finish with one sweet moment: I have been struggling with Gabriel's interactions with Peter being a little bit too rough--playfully rough, but nevertheless, too much for a 2 month old. Today while Gabriel was brushing his teeth, Peter was watching him intently from his snuggled position in the wrap. Gabriel stopped and said in a very loving voice, "Peter, when you get older, you can brush your teeth. And when you get older you can wear pajamas. And when you get older, you can play with me!" It almost seemed the complete change of heart was spilling over--improving not only Mommy's interactions with Gabriel but his interactions with Peter.

A Prayer Challenge for the New Year

We're both Catholic. We married in the Church and value our faith. We both know the value of prayer, want to/try to/actually do pray every day on our own, and both pray with our children. Why can't we seem to pray together...?

All these questions filtered through the lips of almost every couple at a recent monthly meeting of our couples group. My husband and I are part of a movement called Teams of Our Lady, a lay-movement within the Catholic church that "offers couples a way to grow in married love, happiness, and holiness." As part of this group, we commit to a series of "endeavors" or basic practices that we will pursue as spouses for the purpose of building up our conjugal (and personal) spiritual life. This month we will be focusing on the endeavor to find time each and every day to pray with one another.

It would seem to be a simple thing, prayer with one another. But one of us falls asleep nursing the baby sometimes, and the other one of us falls asleep telling stories to the toddler, or when one is home alone while the other is out working, or when one is grouchy and the other is hurt, or when one is busy late into the night and the other is tired, prayer together becomes a bit elusive. Prayer together, if it is honest, is also a moment of extreme vulnerability. When we have drifted apart due to schedules or disagreements, coming together for prayer points out the abyss between us with a silent rawness that I can't stand... so I admit that sometimes I avoid it.

Yet I know that prayer can be a moment of healing, an anchor in a marital life that is being tossed on the waves of schedules and new jobs and a two year old who confounds us. So I look forward to the challenge of praying with one another each day this month, the quiet moment before sleep when we come before God together in humility, with gratitude for the day past and hope for the day ahead.

(Are you up for the challenge too? You're welcome to join in with your spouse and/or community and let us know how it goes!)